Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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