You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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