She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize