Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
