Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
