he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you didnt know i had herpes?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize