70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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