Just cropdusted the office
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
