there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
