I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
you never un-have a 4some
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
