Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We have so much sex to catch up on
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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