My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
