i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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