"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize