Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
