Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
