Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
