Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
