I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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