am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
