The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
