Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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