I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
