I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
