Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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