yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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