I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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