Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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