dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
