Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
