There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
