im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
