I'm drive I can fine osifer
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
