was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize