Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
