I wish i was in the wii world.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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