Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
