So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
