I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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