Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
