so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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