but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize