Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
