i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My life is pants optional.
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