You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
