I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize