I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
