Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
