Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
