then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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