Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize