If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
