and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize