I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
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