If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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