I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
