Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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