I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just invented taco cereal.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
