I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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