It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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