I just made out with a guy for $7.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize