I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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