You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
