i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I intend to get homeless drunk
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
