Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
