Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
as a side note pls kill me
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
