Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He passed out mid-signature
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize