you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
