What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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