I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
