I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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