This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
